Emotional Intelligence: Update it's more important than your SAT score

50% of students at one of the most prestigious medical schools in the world have seriously considered suicide and 56% of the students at its undergrad have considered medication for mental health related problems. I myself, as a Harvard grad with an A GPA can tell you for a fact academic intelligence does not equate to wellness – wellness is composed of a variety of different realms but for me emotional and physical wellness are far more important than professional success. I’m sure if you google search “competitive atmosphere” a lot of articles will appear on why the kids at ivy leagues aren’t dancing on clouds everyday, many of them valid and excellent representations of reality. However, here I’m going to talk a bit about what emotional intelligence is and the four main tenants that I feel are the most valuable/ have the most experience with.

As a quick background, we can divide ourselves into a logical brain and an emotional brain. I’m sure we can all think of a time when we react strongly to a situation and then 10 minutes later we have a completely different perspective, phrases like “I don’t know what came over me” exemplify this. Wouldn’t it be great if we could identify each time we were about to explode in rage and instead of reacting strongly, take time to cool off and then properly express ourselves? I’m sure we all know some people that can do this –they’re not just “calmer” people, they just have a higher level of emotional intelligence and we can all get closer to that with a bit of work. As a rule, emotions impact our physiological state: with anger blood floods to the fists so we can defend ourselves easier, adrenaline rushes so we can act quicker. These changes are the reason that we’re alive as humans and at the top of the food chain. So, emotions aren’t a bad thing – no they’re great, they’re what make us human, but when they start to damage our relationships and potential in life we may want to use tools to guide them.

Emotional intelligence can be roughly defined as the ability to manage, identify and respect emotions – your own and those of others. People with high levels of emotional intelligence often have the potential to be highly social, empathetic individuals who make great leaders, role models, professors and mentors. In this new world of collaboration, the business tycoon with a quick temper who doesn’t listen to his employees is slowly fading away. Often times people are not fired from companies for lack of talent but because they do not get along well with the boss or with their colleagues. Today, it’s more important than ever that your teammates or employees want to work with you- to keep bright talent that has a plethora of options money isn’t enough, they have to enjoy the atmosphere, feel valued and believe in the project and leadership associated with it. Further, progressive companies today rely on a series of loose social networks to get things done. So whether you’re a boss who wants to recruit the best employees or an employee who keeps wondering why you don’t rise in the company, perhaps giving some attention to furthering your emotional intelligence would benefit you.

Be Self Aware

Being self aware means paying more attention to who you are as a person, take time to figure out what kinds of actions/activities trigger certain kinds of emotions. With greater self awareness comes greater self acceptance. What could be a better use of time than learning about the most important person in your life– yourself! Because there’s no one else more in control of your life than you.
Taking 10-15 minutes each night to journal about your greatest worries and emotional ups/downs has been proven to decrease mental health problems and increase self awareness.

Be Mindful

Once you become more self aware, you can take a step back from your emotions and just watch as they pass over you. Being mindful involves recognizing and acknowledging that your thoughts do not define or control you nor do your emotions. Many bullies with quick tempers are not happy to be so quick tempered, they don’t even consider themselves angry people – because maybe in their core they are not.
This sounds logical and very easy but it’s actually pretty challenging. Humans used to be better at this, but now we’ve started to pay less (or no) attention to maintaining our inner balance, so it’s faded. Meditation helps to be able to take a step back and create a bit of space between your thoughts and emotions and yourself. I’d recommend doing yoga in the morning to practice conscious movement and/or the app Headspace but google away if you so desire. Movement generally reduces overwhelming thoughts, while meditation can reduce physical restlessness.

Develop Empathy

Empathy means identifying what someone else feels, literally putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and thinking about what they go through. This differs from sympathy.
Increase empathy means increased ability to connect with people and read their emotional states better.
You can increase your empathy just by listening and asking questions to your friends/family who may have different backgrounds than yours. One of my best friends comes from a higher income, college educated, new England home – going to Harvard was a very real possibility for them since day 1. Not so much for me. But we’re still friends because of their exceptional interest in my life, no one’s perfect but wanting to be empathetic is the first start and makes a huge difference.

Recognize Power in Numbers: Communication & Cooperation

In the next 100 years the majority of workers in the USA will be “knowledge based” workers. Valuable for the specific knowledge they posses. So if I’m an ophthalmologist how am I supposed to take care of an entire community? I can’t.
Respect and value your teammates – yes your employees are your teammates. Your teammates are people – they have lives of their own, just because they can handle an extremely challenging project for a few months doesn’t mean they won’t burn out or be able to do it forever.
Be considerate in your conversations with them and be direct. In larger corporations and even in smaller ones like Refresh Bolivia – a small comment like “Eh yeah that’s fine” in response to a project someone has spent a lot of time and emotional energy on, can wreck them. This offhanded comment by the “boss” might come due to distraction, not enough time to address the project’s downfalls properly or because it might actually be fine. Either way, using vague words like “fine” and giving quick feedback in this manner is not beneficial at all – your employee won’t grow, you won’t get high quality work and now they might think you hate them. So take time to address each of their questions and concerns when they ask you and jump in to check on their projects when they don’t. If someone is working in your company it’s because you think they’re valuable, so make them feel like it. As an employee, if this happens to you then seek that direct feedback. “What specifically do you like and/or dislike about it?” This will show the boss you care, give you the chance to grow and improve your project.
This section comes from some literature I read as well as my work in RB, in this case the more invested my teammates seem in their project (which are all always great and motivated by passion) the more likely we’re going to go through with it – mostly because as a non-profit NGO we have limited funds and need to make sure the project is going to be well managed.

In short, emotional intelligence is so much more than being aware of your own inner world – but it’s a good starting point. With increased self awareness and mindfulness can come an increased feeling of control of your own life –something that some ivy leaguer’s feel like they don’t have with all the pressure and stress around them. Once you feel in control of your own inner life, you can more easily develop meaningful social connections at work or at home and balance them/their needs with your own. Ideally, if you’re emotionally and academically intelligent you’ll be able to have a solid job, good home life, nice cooperative relationship with your colleagues, good self confidence and a more balanced feeling in general. Sure, life doesn’t go as planned and one of the things mentioned above may come easier than others. Maybe you're a Harvard finals club boy with a ton of friends and girls and still feel alone. Or maybe you're a Chilean nun living in rural Bolivia quite literally alone, and you feel fulfilled every day. I know both because that's how lucky I am and everyone’s life is different, has different storylines and has different needs. However, while we give a ton of attention to advancing our academic intelligence very little value is given to our emotional state. Especially in a culture that deems "productive" as publications, recognition, power & money and demands for constant productivity it might be time to take a step back and think about what else there is in life - like emotional intelligence!

But I'm clearly biased given that I'm writing this post. Honestly, I think that we all just want some purpose and balance in our lives so that’s why I wrote this post, these things helped me out and I hope it does the same for you.

*Disclaimer: Much of the information discussed in this post has been inspired by Daniel Goldman’s Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ so check him out to learn more.